Dealing with grief is a lot like learning to ride a bike

Dealing with grief is a lot like learning to ride a bike

Do you remember that moment when you or one of your kids took off their training wheels for the first time? How wobbly was it? It actually felt a little scary at first. It is, after all, the first time that you are having to rely on your own balance to hold you up.  There are a lot of things that act as our training wheels while we are first learning to deal with our grief:  denial, anger, our friends and family and of course medication.

It feels little wobbly and disorienting when you begin to face the challenges of every day life without the training wheels..   What was once an easy task, now requires concentration and patience.   Sometimes it may seem very hard to look ahead while trying to maintain your balance and keep your feet on the pedals.   One of the easiest things to do once you have gained your balance on the bike it to coast.  Coasting does not require any work on your part for forward momentum.  But coasting will only get you so far.

Once you have gained your balance with your grief it can be very easy to coast along.  It feels good to be able to go through the motions of life.   It really does feel good to be upright and doing something.  At some point things begin to level off and your momentum slows.  Your first initial push-off into the world has taken you pretty far.  

Here is where it gets tricky, you have to do something to keep me moving or you are about to come to a dead stop.  It gets a little wobbly again.  You need to look down to get your feet on the pedals.  The pedals are already moving making it even trickier to gain control.  You pump your legs with the rhythm of the pedals and you give it a shot.

Here is where that first moment of being in control of your bike happens; your feet are moving, you have your balance and have begun to move forward under your own control.  Do you remember that feeling of exhilaration?  Looking back on it, learning to ride a bike seems like such a small thing in life.  How many times did you fall down before you finally got it?  It didn't matter once you had it figured out.

My life is the bike.  Sometimes I have trouble riding it like I used to but more often I get that feeling of exhilaration when things fall into place.  If you are grieving, recognize those moments and acknowledge your forward momentum.  Just like when learning to ride a bike, you do need to be prepared to fall every once in a while.  There if no "grief helmet" to wear but I believe being honest with yourself and acknowledging there will be falls will help shorten the recovery period between falls.

I hope this made sense.  I am not a writer and a lot of time my feelings and ideas for epxressing them in words aren't always as I would like.    The photos of Will learning to ride the bike brought back such great memories.  We would take him to a small Church in the area on weeknights and let him practice on their parking lot.  Memories like that are what help to keep my feet on the pedals.