A fitting Charles Stanley quote

A fitting Charles Stanley quote

“We can be tired, weary and emotionally distraught, but after spending time alone with God, we find that He injects into our bodies energy, power and strength.”  Charles Stanley

So very, very true

So very, very true

The Grieving Parent as the Obstinate Alcoholic

The Grieving Parent as the Obstinate Alcoholic

I wish I could express my feelings like this---> Please read

This is perfect!

This is perfect!

God has your back

God has your back

:-)

:-)

There are times I just want to scream when someone asks if I am ok.

I know they mean well so I resist the temptation and smile.

Healing takes time.

I don't want to waste that time by being sad or going back over why I might be sad.

My son lived a fun, smile filled life in his nine years and that is what I aspire to.

I want people to ask "Why are you so happy?"

I love you Will!

There is a special place

There is a special place

There are places that I still can't go because of the memories associated.

I can't go to Chuck E Cheese.

I can't go swimming in a pool.

Can't is probably not the right word.

I won't go because of the way they make me feel.

Why are some places more emotional than others?

There are other places that I can't wait to get back to because of the memories.

A window to my past

A window to my past

This is a photo of Will and his two cousins looking down at me from the window of a hotel.

Sometimes I see some photos and I have a hard time even placing myself in them.

Wishing some people would realize this

Wishing some people would realize this

Don't Give Up

Don't Give Up

It is easy to say but harder to do it.  I know as well as anyone.

There are days that I never feel like giving up.

Then there are the days that you fight the urge to give up all day long.

Don't give in.

Don't give up.

Tomorrow just could be the day you don't feel like giving up..

A moment of time......

A moment of time......

A perplexing question

A perplexing question

There are people out there that start a conversation with me just to some how get around to talking about how much they miss their parents, grandparents or other loved one.  I understand having a connection to someone else that has lost a child or someone that I might have known personally but this is different;  these people make a point of making death a part of every single conversation.  They never start out on the subject but it never fails to come up every single time I speak them.  

Why?

I try show empathy when called for but this feels like emotional manipulation and I need to do a better job of recognizing it.   A grieving person is obviously vulnerable and easily manipulated but sometimes also completely blind to the manipulation until they recognize it for the first time.

My hole

My hole

What a crazy kid

What a crazy kid

I love finding random notes in Will's handwriting.

Set A Fire

Set A Fire by Will Reagan & United Pursuit

We took Will to his first music festival when he was only a month old. Over his short life he saw lots of music at dozens of festivals. He loved the freedom of camping out, cooking out, he loved the music but most of all he seemed to just love all the different people he would meet.

In the fall of 2008 at a small festival in LaFayette, GA Will told me that he had a clear definition of who he was as a person. At that moment I had no idea what he was talking about. He had a very serious look and told me that he was a "Chrippie". I could tell by the look on his face that the look on my face had him frustrated.

Will told me that he was a Christian Hippie. He told me "he loved everyone like the hippies do and it was just like Jesus loving everyone".

At the time I just laughed and he went back to playing with his friends.

For some reason this song makes me think of Will and that moment. It is the theme song for 2013 at my Church and has really meant a lot to me in recent weeks.

What happened will never change, what happens next is what matters

What happened will never change, what happens next is what matters

Do not let your yesterdays define your tomorrows!

A reason to keep pushing on...........

A reason to keep pushing on...........

Another very true statement

Another very true statement

I can still barely listen to Bon Jovi.

WOW!

WOW!

Some of these are my exact thoughts at times.............

A good reminder

A good reminder

What are you scared of?

What are you scared of?

I am scared that I will never feel "normal" again.   

Trying very hard to be patient.

You can not rush through your Grief!

Wrestling with Grief

Wrestling with Grief

Grief is my opponent.

We have an long standing rivalry.

Sometimes I get the pinfall.

Other times I fight and fight but still find my shoulders on the mat.

But I will never tap out or submit to my opponent.

I love you Will!

Hope whispers.....

Hope whispers.....

Every new day presents a new lesson to learn.

Sometimes those "new" lessons are simply "old" lessons you should have learned the first time.

I have been totally oblivious to the lessons most of the time.

Learning from your mistakes is much more painful.

Amen

Amen