Grief has its own time frame....

Grief has its own time frame....

These are actual quotes that I heard from people that are closest to me this week-

"Why would you be sad? You know Will is in Heaven."

"What do you have to grieve about? It has been over 4 years."

"You should remember the happy times"

"You just need more counseling"

It has been 4 1/2 years since Will passed away and I still grieve.  I do not feel I should have to apologize for it.  Unfortunately it is a part of my life that I have to deal with in my own way.  I am not the same person I was before Will died and I will never be that person again.  I know that and deal with it.  

I don't have nearly as many bad days. Most of my grieving is in very small doses now.  The holidays are naturally tougher than any other time for me and everyone I know that has lost a child.  I celebrate Will every day. Why wouldn't I?  Is it wrong if that celebration leads to a tear or a few moments of sadness once in a while?  I think it is pretty normal.

This was the first year that I celebrated the decorating of Will's grave for Christmas.  There was not a second of sadness during the time it took to clean and decorate Will's grave.  I knew who had already put the little snowman on his grave.  I wanted a snowman on his grave this year and had purchased the solar light spiked one before Thanksgiving.  We were in sync and I could not help but laugh.  I could have never done that last year.  

But there are still moments of sadness.

Would you feel sad if you were setting up the Christmas tree and found hand-made ornaments from your deceased child? Thinking, maybe this will be the year I can put them on the tree and enjoy them again. Then deciding that it was still not the right time. Yes, even after 4 1/2 years, the thought of looking at those ornaments every day made me sad.

What do you do at that moment? Who would you reach out to? Put careful thought into those questions.

Think about who you would reach out to and what their reaction might be.  Sometimes there is not a way to call timeout on your emotions and you will call the wrong people.  Be prepared for their reaction.

Remember your grief is your grief.  It is your personal journey to recovery from whatever it is you are grieving.